Rambling Nonsense

Writer's Block: Winter Food & Drink

Sat, 15 Dec 2007 17:53:47 GMT

How do your eating/cooking habits change in the winter?

I always find that I can't pick a favourite food, since it all depends on your mood and your environment. In the summer, it's usually hot and humid, not the kind of weather in which you would want to eat a huge roast. In the winter, a green salad would hardly give you enough energy to keep warm, would it?
For that reason, as the weather gets colder, I find myself spending longer and longer in the kitchen, making up huge batches of homemade soup, and baking bread. There is something comforting about coming into the house after freezing outside to warm, hearty food.
In the summer, I would often complain about the amount of time I had to spend in the kitchen, boiling hot, whilst everyone else gets to sit around in the garden. In the winter, the kitchen is the warmest room in the house, making me more that willing to stay in there.
Overall, I am more willing to cook and eat large, hot meals in the winter than in warmer weather. The only problem with this is that, with it being colder and therefore making it a stupid idea to want to go running, eating more food tends to make me attempt (and fail) to go on diets periodically throughout the winter.

Sequel to Lapdancer!Chase fic

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 13:05:16 GMT

I'm currently working on it. It may take a while, as it requires lots of alcohol. I did actually try writing while I was drunk, but typing with a cigarette in one hand when you're too drunk to sit up straight does not make for good typing. Or closing tags on HTML codes.
I should really be working on the huge amount of homework and coursework I have, but, you know. MSTing is more fun.

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 17:21:56 GMT

OK, my second MST. This fic is truly awful. Not quite as bad as the sequel, but be prepared for cringes so bad you fall off your chair. Fic has House/Chase slash, MST has House/Wilson, House/Chase and House/Chase/Wilson.
Both MST and fic feature lapdancing!Chase, and the MST version is considerably (I hope) easier on the stomach. By the way, by the end I kind of gave up on the grammar, because the content was nauseating enough as it was.

Wilson and House are in Wilson's office. House is trying to open one of the drawers in Wilson's desk, and Wilson is leaning against it to stop him.
House: Come on. I know it's in there.
Wilson: I do not keep marijuana in my office, House. That was a patient's, and it was one time.
House: *rolls eyes* I've seen you roll it more than once. I've stolen joints from you twice.
Wilson: *leans back in shock* Wha- I- House!
House: *opens the drawer which Wilson is no longer leaning against* Aha!
Wilson: *snatches weed out before House can get it* I'll let you have some if you manage to read your way through this fic *waves paper* and it's sequel.
House: *scans fic* Can't I have just a little bit? Just to help me through the fic?
Wilson: No.
House: Fine. *pops Vicodin* I'm going to page Chase. He needs to read this.
Wilson: House, have you seen the plotline?
House: Yep *grins*
Wilson: You can't make Chase read it! It's cruel. Inhuman. Even for you.
House: I know *pages chase*
Both: *sit and wait for Chase*
Chase: You paged me?
House: Read.
Chase: Uh… Wilson?
Wilson: Hmm?
Chase: What's that in your hand?
Wilson: Oh, uh… nothing. Nothing. It's for a patient.

DON’T OWN ANYTHING OR GET PAID! DON’T SUE!
I Hired You Because!

House: So many exclamation marks!

/OOOO\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

House: What the hell is that?
Wilson: I have no idea. Some sort of weird page break.
House: Well, it's better than all those HMDHMDHMDs

House told me that he hired me because he needed someone around here with ‘street smarts’ can you believe that!

Chase: Yep.
Wilson: Is the exclamation point the only punctuation key on the author-person's keyboard that works? And there's no opening speech marks.

Oh yeah and that I should know how to con or when I’m being coned, what an ass!”

All: Coned?

Forman ranted while he sad in the conference room. There were no cases at the moment so things were beginning to get a little slow.

House: Poor Foreman. He was sad in the conference room.
Chase: Probably because they spelt his name wrong.
House: You think that's bad, you should see what this fic does to you.

“That’s nothing! He told me he hired me because I was pretty. That’s it, pretty. Not because of what I worked for but just because I shouldn’t be here, because I went against the norm!”

House: Hey, I hired her didn't I? Isn't that good enough for her?
Wilson: She probably thinks it's unethical.

Cameron replied in an angry tone, Chase looked up at this and laughed at the two of them.

Chase: Why am I laughing? I'd probably be bitching about House along with them.
House: Unless I was in the room. Then you'd tell them you're sure I made the right choice.

“And why are you laughing, he hired you because your dad phone up, probably saying how great you are” Forman snorted “More like his dad was begging House to hire him, get him off his back!”

Chase: My dad is dead! Foreman knows this. Even he wouldn't be that callous.
Wilson: Foreman also speaks better English than that. "your dad phone up"?
House: Yeah, but Forman doesn't.

Chase looked confused, “My dad didn’t phone, did House tell you that…” Chase laughed, Cameron and Forman looked at Chase confused, “I don’t get it, why you laughing?” asked Cameron

House: Oh, just you wait…
Chase: *looks scared*

Chase smiled and looked at them both, “Everybody lies, House hired me because… actually you know what, I think I’ll let you work it out yourself” and with that Chase went back to his crossword.

Chase: House hired me because he thought I'd be good at the job. And if he hadn't Cuddy would've hired me for the ICU anyway.
House: Right. Except for the first part. That's wrong.
Chase: So why did you hire me?
House: Well, according to this fic, I have to let you work it out yourself.

“Chase! Come on… tell us. You can’t keep us in the dark here!” Forman practically begged.

Chase: Foreman doesn't like me. He doesn't care about our personal lives, which, House, is nice. And he wouldn't beg even if it killed him.

“I beg to differ, if the wombat wants to toy with you all to ease his boredom then he should carry on” replied House as he walked into the room and made his way to a chair.

Chase: Why am I a wombat?
House: Why do bad!fic authors always have me calling you a wombat? It was once. Once! And I compared you to a wombat, I didn't call you one.

“O come on House, I know why you hired me and YOU know why you hired me… so it is slightly amusing that they don’t!” Chase smiled and looked at House who smiled in return,

All: WTF?
Chase: Where is this going?
House: Trust me, you wouldn't have imagined it even in your strangest dreams. Well, knowing you, you might have done, but I doubt it.
Chase: Am I going to have slept with you for this job?
House: Even better than that.

“Yeah okay, it is slightly amusing” House laughed, “Okay actually it’s practically hysterical” with that House patted Chase on the back then smirked and walked to his office.

Wilson: Well, the "it's" is right. You don't see that happening very often…
Chase: *whining* Why did you pat me? This is going to be a slash story isn't it?
House: It's worse.

Cameron and Forman looked at each other and gaped, both thinking ‘what the heck was that about?’

House: So are we, fic!people, so are we.

Cameron was the first to ask Chase.
“Come on, you have to tell us. If anything it’ll keep us entertained for a while. It’s been a slow week Chase, share?” Cameron fluttered her eyelids and stuck out her lip trying but failing to look cute.

House: Well, nothing new there then
Chase: Come on, Cameron isn't that bad.
House and Wilson: *raise eyebrows*
Chase: She's not. She can be nice. She cares about people. Slightly overbearingly, maybe, but… God, what am I talking about? She's sickeningly sweet and has some really awful personality issues. I was trying to be nice!

Forman sighed, “Come on Chase, what’s so good that you can’t tell us?”

House: *snort of laughter*
Chase: House, if it's that bad, will you at least tell me what's going to happen?
Wilson: You don't want to know. You really, really don't want to know.

Chase shifted in his chair and put down his crossword, “I don’t think I should tell you, in fact, the only way your going to find out is if House decides hell has indeed frozen over” Chase laughed as Forman and Cameron practically ran to House to find out.

Chase: Foreman? Running to see House? About me? *shouts* Where do people get these ideas? Where? WHY?
House: *sticks a hurriedly rolled joint in Chase's mouth and lights it*
Wilson: What? How? How did you get that?
Chase: Mmph! *removes joint* WHERE DO YOU GET THESE IDEAS?
House: Smoke it. It'll make you feel better. And when you're done, leave me some.

/OOOO\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Wilson: It's those things again.
House: What do they want with us?
Chase: *sleepy* Maybe they jus' like us. Maybe they're lonely.

House looked up from his Gameboy as Forman and Cameron burst into his office. “Well what do we have here?”
“House please where bored out of our minds and Chase said the only way we’ll find out about why you hired him is through YOU! So would you please just tell us?” Forman rambled off in one breath.

Wilson: That makes absolutely no sense.
Chase: *snore*

Cameron wasn’t much better, “Please House, don’t be an ass this time, just tell us” House looked between the two before looking through the glass to where Chase was smugly sitting laughing quietly at him.

House: Why is he laughing at me?
Wilson: You've just been assaulted by Cameron and Foreman about why you hired him. Maybe it just hit him how stupid this is.
Chase: *sleepy mumbling*

“You two sit. Chase! Get in here!” House waited until Chase walked in before pushing the chair where his legs were resting, at his knees.

Wilson: What?

“Sit!”
House: Paw! Roll over! Good boy.

When Chase did House continued, “So… you told those two that I would tell them about… why I… hired you?” Chase smirked, “Yep!”

House: Quick, wake him up.
Wilson: House, you got him stoned. It's your fault if he misses this. And it won't be a bad thing.
House: Oi! Chase! WAKEY WAKEY! *slaps him*
Chase: Ow! What was that for? Why is my head fuzzy? My mouth tastes strange.
House: Yeah, whatever. You need to read this bit.

Forman and Cameron looked at each other; they hadn’t ever seen Chase like this. It was… strange.

House: Tell me about it.

“You mean I can tell them about all the naughty things you did. The lap dance, the kink… everything?”

Chase: *blinks* Oh. God.
House: Exactly. Don't worry. It gets worse.
Chase and Wilson: How?
House: *to Wilson* It was in your desk. You should know.
Wilson: I didn't read it! I'm not a complete masochist, you know.
Chase: Your House's best friend. You can't get much more masochistic than that.
House: You can. You do, in fact.

Chase raised an eyebrow, “If you wish”
House smiled “Oh goody!”
Cameron and Forman looked at each other and groaned, “Would someone please just tell us!” Forman practically yelled.
House did three swings on his chair before looking back at Cameron and Forman, they really did seem desperate.

Chase: If I was them I'd be desperate to get out of the fic.

“Okay then… where to start lets see, I was at a night club, this great one called M2 or was it ManO I really can’t remember, anyway while I was there I was watching this great singer dancer, he really was hot as well, totally into me I might add. He was dancing up on the tables and…”

Wilson: And of course you completely lost all pretence of grammar.
Chase: It's going to be me isn't it? Why is it always me? I can't sing! I definitely can't dance.

“HOUSE!” shouted Cameron, “Please get to the point!”
Chase snorted, “Yeah, although gay clubs are great and all, they really want to know why you hired me”

Chase: *nervous* I don't know if gay clubs are great or not. I've never been to one. I don't want to go to one.
House: Chase, shut up. Everybody knows you're gay.
Chase: Oh. Really?
Wilson: Yeah.

Forman coughed, “Gay club?”
“Yes, I find them a great way to relax” House suggestively leered at Forman, who backed off. Chase laughed out loud and House looked at him, “You find something amusing Chase?”

Chase: No.

“Yeah, the rest of the story!” House smiled at that and nodded.
“So anyway while I was there the really hot lap dancer made his sweet ass over to me and gave me such a show. Wow you should have seen him, his ass was so tight that when I grabbed it…” The groan from Chase made House laugh, “Okay anyway I decided to try my luck with this dancer so I asked him when he got off…”

Chase: Trust me, never, ever ask a guy that. Especially one who happens to be a lap dancer.
House: Even one who's you?
Chase: Especially one who's me!
House: Would you do a lap dance for me?
Chase: *blush* Well, I wouldn't dance, but I wouldn't object to doing something for you.
Wilson: Back off Chase, he's mine.
Chase: He's- You're- Oh God. That's hot.

/OOOO\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
Several years earlier House sat at a corner table in ManO while a male lapdancer gave him a night he would remember for a while.

Chase: Please, you never pay attention to the corner tables.
Wilson: *raised eyebrow*
House: *leer*

“So..” asked House trying to spark up a conversation, “When do you get off?”
The lapdancer looked at him and slid closer to whisper into his ear, “All the time… although most people tend to ask me my name first…

Chase: Which is why you never ask a guy that.

seems interesting, you remind me of a friend”

House: What?

“Is your friend here right now or are you just crazy?”

Wilson: Witty, House. Very witty.
House: Hey, its fic!me

“I get off at 2” and with that said, he walked to the bar.
House smirked; he was definitely getting some tonight, even if he did have to wait around for another hour and 45 minutes.

Chase: Come on, I'm a dancer in a club full of attractive young men and I say I'll go home with the older guy in the corner. What is wrong with this author-person? You go home with the shy one at the front, who obviously couldn't get enough of you but was too scared to say anything. It's a nice thing to do. As long as he understands it's just a fuck. I once had a kid follow me 'round for three weeks.
House and Wilson: *stare*

/OOOO\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
It was 2am so House went looking for his booby prize, he found him pretty quick and wondered over to him.

Wilson: I just want to comment on the inappropriateness of the word "boob" in there, since neither Chase or House have any.
House: You might want to start cutting down on some things though. You're starting to get a little bit of breast going on there. If you're not careful, you'll be bigger than Cameron.
Wilson: That's it. No sex for two days.
House: But-
Wilson: I mean it!
House: Chase, can I come back to yours tonight? *leers*
Chase: Don't see why not.
Wilson: Can I come?
House: Already? God, you're eager.

“Your place or mine?”
“Yours”
House nodded and pulled him close before heading out to get a taxi, while waiting he looked at his ‘date’ and decided to ask the question he’d been thinking about all night.
“So, what’s a guy like you doing working in a place like this?”

Chase: If you've already described me as hot, I think that question answers itself really.

The guy in question laughed, “Me and my friend are both just waiting for a job to come along, were looking around you know… but we have to pay the bills while were waiting”
House nodded, “What kind of job? Admin? Computing? Astronaut?”

All: What?
House: Was that supposed to be… funny?

“No, doctors”
House narrowed his eyes and gave him the once over, “You don’t look like a doctor”
“O like you’d know!”

Wilson: He's working as a lap dancer! Do you expect him to wear a lab coat? If he came into work dressed like a dancer, I think people might wonder.
House: But it would be nice.

/OOOO\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
When they got to the apartment House had the time of his life, if this guy really was a doctor he was certainly in the wrong field, he should be a hooker! Which is exactly what he told him later.
“A hooker!”
“Yeah, you’d be great!”
“Whatever.

Chase: I want to point out that if anyone ever suggests I should be a hooker, I will be more offended that that.
House: Why? It's a compliment.
Chase: It implies I'm a slut.
House: Well, you have already agreed to have sex with me and Wilson.

So what’s your name anyway?”
“Aww, now that just ruins it! Why do you want that?” House looked over at the delectable sight, “Fine, it’s Greg, what’s yours?”

Chase: Peter! It turns out the dancer isn't me, it's my brother.
House: You don't have a brother.
Chase: So? fanfic land, remember?

“Well according to you a few minutes ago it was ‘God, oh God!’ but I suppose you could call me…
/OOOO\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

House: Ok, /OOOO\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\, formerly known as Chase.

“I can’t remember Chase, what did you tell me your name was?” Chase laughed.
“Wait! Your telling me that CHASE was a lap dancer! You have got to be kidding me!” Cameron gasped in shock.

Chase: They're a bit slow aren't they?

“What! You can’t see Chase as a lap dancer? With that body?” House shuddered, and looked to Chase who grinned before licking his lips making House bite back a groan.

House: Either it was a particularly disgusting sight or Wilson had been withholding the sex again.
Chase: Does he do that often?
House: Frequently.
Chase: From now on, if he's neglecting you, come visit me.
House: *happy smile*

Chase finally spoke when everyone was looking at him, mostly in shock by Cameron, Forman was looking at him interested, and House well House was looking at him like he knew every inch of his body, which he did.
“What’s wrong House? Want another?” Chase stood up and leaned over House who gulped.

House: Yes, because you're so intimidating.

“Or is it the other things we did. The way I licked…” Chase smirked and leaned in closer “everything” Chase whispered.

Chase: What's happening to me? I'm turning into a slut. Fic!me and real!me. *sobs*
Wilson: No you're not. Chase, it's just a fic.
House: Well, he did just agree to sleep with both of us.
Chase: *sobs more* The fic's invading my brain. I don't want to be a slut.
Wilson: Not helping, House. *hugs Chase*
Chase: *clings onto Wilson*

House actually did groan out loud at that which caused Cameron and Forman to gasp. Chase looked across his shoulder at them, “What? It honestly surprises you” Chase slowly walked over to them and leisurely sunk to his knees in front of them, “When I do something… I do it good!” With that Chase rubbed both their legs and stood back up.

All: Ew.
Chase: I feel sick.
House: Hey, Wilson. You know what's good for nausea. *tries to pickpocket Wilson*
Wilson: No. I really don't think it'd be good for Chase right now. That last one made him a bit… strange.

“Chase!” House grabbed his arm, so Chase looked at him, “You two shoo!” House waved the other two out, who after a few minutes finally got the idea.
“Yes”
“I was wondering, if you’d like to join me for a little roll in the metaphorical hay stack?”
Chase leered at House, “We’ll see”
House watched Chase walk out of his office before turning right down the corridor, Chase was looking hotter than ever, and he couldn’t wait to grab his ass again.
/OOOO\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

House: Is it over?
Wilson: There's a sequel.
Chase: NOOOOO *rocking backwards and forwards*
Wilson: Should we take him up to psych?
House: He'll be fine soon. I've heard of this condition. It's called Post Bad!fic Stress Disorder, like PTSD, but specifically for victims of bad!fic.
Wilson: Is there anything we can do to help him?
Chase: *still rocking* NO! PLEEEEEAAASE! NOOOOO!
House: Well, sex is good.
Wilson: Let's try that then.
All: *have sex*

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 02:02:08 GMT

MSTer Note: This is my first MST. I hope it doesn't go too badly. The fic isn't as bad as I have seen, but I was trying to find something quickly just to have a go at this. Will probably contain at least a little bit of House/Wilson slash, because everything I write does.

House and Wilson are sat in Wilson's office.

Wilson: So. What are you doing tonight?
House: Why?
Wilson: Oh, I thought I might come over. Watch some DVDs. Order Chinese.
House: Have you been fighting with your wife again?
Wilson: *sheepish* She kicked me out again.
House: *sigh* Fine, sleep on my couch again.
…
House: Hey, look what I found!
Wilson: *warily* What?
House: Bad!Fic! Quick, let's read it!
Wilson: Do we have to?
House: Would you rather talk about your impending divorce?
Wilson: Almost.

A/N: Well, this is my first fic.. Hope you like it.

House: Well, since you started with only two periods on the ellipses, I don't think we will.

TIME

House: To run away?
Wilson: To hide from the fic?
House: Maybe we should page the others?
Wilson: Why?
House: This may be so bad the pain needs to be shared.
Wilson: Let's not. I like it when it's just us.
House: *stares*

"... GO!" He turned away from the whiteboard, somehow expecting that he still had them, still had her.

House: I had her. I kept her in my closet.
Wilson: All of "them"? And who's "her"?
House: My bet's on Cameron.

But all he had was an empty glass table and a very confused janitor.

House: Damn! They escaped!

"I can't continue like this..." he thought to himself "... but I can't show that I need my ducks...

House: My ducks? Ducks?
Wilson: You need your ducks. You just can't show it.
House: You need to duck.
Wilson: Why?
House: *swings cane in circle*
Cane: *thunks Wilson on the back of his head*
Wilson: OW!
House: That's why. Anyway, back to the bad!fic.

Hum, my pride or my team?... My pride, obviously!"

Wilson: *squints* Was that... in character?
House: Except for the fact that I don't think in quotation marks and have never said "Hum" in my life, almost.

Realizing that the janitor was looking at him like he was kind of a freak he rolled his eyes "What??"

House: That wouldn't happen. The janitors in this place are too scared to even look at me.

The guy came out from his transe and shook his head "Oh, nothing... sorry", returning to his task.

House: The guy was in a trance because I yelled "No!" and "what??" at him? Wilson: No. It's a transe. Caused by too many question marks. And missing commas.

"Yeh yeh, whatever." House directed his eyes to the whiteboar, again, trying to figure out what was killing a 4 year old boy.

Wilson: Whiteboar? As in a white wild pig?
House: Whiteboar as in whiteboard with the last letter missing.
Wilson: *embarrased* Oh... Should that comma be there?

"Ahm, sorry doc..."
House sighed in frustration, "What now???"
The janitor didn't really want to talk to House, specially when he was in a mood like today, but he didn't have choice.

House: Hey! I'm special!
Wilson: We know. And I think it should be especially.

"I found something under this desk." He said pointing to the desk that Cameron occupied while she worked at PPTH.

House: What desk? Cameron doesn't have a desk. There's a big table in the middle of the room, but not a desk.

"It seems a woman's watch..."

House: ...was here yesterday? Has been hiding under here?
Wilson: Was killed under here?
House: Have you been watching CSI again?
Wilson: Ahh... maybe?
House: Why do you watch that? It's so painfully obvious who the killer is.
Wilson: Well *mumblemumble* is quite cute. So is *mumblymumbly*.
House: Who and who?
Wilson: *blushes* Uh... nobody.
House: Well, since you've gone that colour I'm guessing you didn't say Catherine or Sara...
Wilson: Ha! You know their names! You watch it too!
House: Duh. Jorja Fox. Who wouldn't?

House was looking at the little object in the guy's hand. A coloured swatch, probably from the campaigns that tryed to get money to help childrens.

House: A coloured swatch? Like for when you're want to buy paint?
Wilson: To help the "childrens"?

"Do you know it's owner?"

House: It's all lost and alone... It needs an owner

With a sigh House answer him, "Yes... You can give it to me."

Wilson: It's getting worse. The author-person's ability to conjugate verbs has gone.

The janitor shrugged his shoulders and passed it to the now extended hand of Dr Gregory House.

House: Just in case people didn't know my name...
Wilson: Well, the author-person has obviously only seen one or two episodes. Why should she assume anybody else should know more?
House: Why do we always assume bad!fic authors are girls?
Wilson: Well, when is the last time you saw a boy write or say OMG!!!!!! I LUV IT!!!!?
House: Good point.
When House looked at the watch he noticed that it was stopped. It marked 5.

House: Marked five?

He didn't knew why, but he was almost sure it was 5pm.

Wilson: Wait, if it says five o'clock on the watch, why would you be almost sure it was five pm? And why does a stopped watch tell the right time?
House: Well, even a broken clock is right twice- OW! You hit me!
Wilson: *rubbing fist* I know. It hurt me more than it hurt you. Look, my knuckle's gone purple.
House: Why?
Wilson: *sarcastic* Because it's bruised?
House: *sighs, frustrated* Why did you hit me?
Wilson: I hate that expression.

Putting the swatch in his pocket House left the Hospital without another word.

House: Just to make sure I buy the right colour paint for my bathroom.
Wilson: Why is hospital capitalised?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Allison Cameron was sitting on her comfortable couch, drinking a glass of milk.

Wilson: Well, at least they spelt Cameron's name right.
House: Why is she drinking milk? Only kids drink milk. Kids with health-fanatic parents.

But the milk wasn't helping her today...

House: What does milk usually help with?

She couldn't stop thinking about the events of the past few days. She had left PPTH, the only place where she actually had enjoyed to work.

Wilson: She enjoyed working for you? Is there something wrong with her?
House: I think there's something wrong with that sentence. I just can't quite work out what... "Where she had actually enjoyed to work" Ah. Tense change in the middle of a sentence.

But, it seemed so small when she remember that she left the only man that make her heart beat so fast that almost explode..

. Wilson: Aside from a lack of grammar, a heart almost exploding can be very dangerous.
House: Unless it isn't inside anyone. Then it's just messy. Trust me, I know from experience.
Wilson: You exploded a heart?
House: *whistles and looks at ceiling*

Deep down she knew that her decision was a wise one. She had tryed, damn, she had tryed for 3 years! She had tryed to win the heat of an inteligent but also rude man...

Wilson: Spellcheck, damn it, spellcheck!
House: She "tryed" to win my heat?
Wilson: So in bad!fic your cold blue eyes could literally be cold.

But House's heart couldn't be taken.

House: Damn right! I keep my heart in a very special place. It's got ribs over it for protection and everything.

He was a free soul and a timing bomb that could explode at any moment, literally.

House: BOOM!
Wilson: *ducks*
House: *reconstructs self* Wait, a timing bomb? Not a time bomb? Damn.

Her trail of thoughts was interrupted by a knock on her door...

Wilson: Trail of thoughts?
House: Cameron! Your thoughts are trailing again!
Cameron: What?
House: Your thoughts. Their trail was interrupted by a knock at the door. *points at screen*
Cameron: You're reading bad!fic again aren't you? Can I stay?
Wilson: NO! ONLY ME AND HOUSE!
House: *takes his hands away from his ears* What the hell was that?
Wilson: Uh... nothing... Cameron can stay...
Cameron: *backs away from Wilson* No, I think I'll leave you to it. House, I'll be in the clinic.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Okay Greg, this means nothing. You're here to give her the watch, then you leave. Simple as that!

House: Who's talknig to me? And why do they have no speech marks?

House was thinking outside Cameron's apartment.

House: Becasue that's the only place I can think.Everywhere else and my brain just shuts down.

However, his rational thoughts stopped when the most gorgeous woman appeared by the door.

House: What, just POOF! and there she was?
Wilson: The most gorgeous woman what? The most gorgeous woman in New Jersey? In the world?
There she stood, Allison Cameron, in all her youth and glory. With a simple black top and matching shorts she was the most beautiful vision in the World for Greg House.

House: *shouts* The World for Greg House! The World for Greg House! *to Wilson* Their official description is my fan club. Really, they're helping me to take over the world.

Cameron gasped, taken by surprise. She'd never imagined that her boss, er, ex-boss, would be standing by her door, looking like a lost puppy.

House: Having suddenly grown two more legs and a tail.

"House, what are you doing here?" She managed to say.

Wilson: Almost a correct sentence. Except she asked, she didn't say.

This words shook him from his reverie. All that was in his head about delivering the watch and then leave had been erased.

House: If it was in my head, it couldn't be erased. If it had been in my head, then yes, it could be erased. And the words jumped up and shook me?
Wilson: This words?

"The he!! with it!" He whispered.

House: The he with it? I AM THE HE!
Wilson: It says "the hell with it!" but the author is afraid of the word hell. And to, apparently.

The next thing both know their lips became as one,

Both: Ewww.

mouths devoring and tasting the other.

Wilson: You're eating each other's mouths? Had this suddenly becaome a Hannibal fic?

House's cane was now on the floor, forgotten. His hands exploring every curve of Cameron's slim body, his tongue enjoying the taste of hers.

Wilson: You're eating her tongue now? As if lips weren't bad enough! I can't beleive I ever wanted to kiss you...
House: You what?
Wilson: *blushes* Nothing. I didn't say anything.

Meanwhile, Cameron's hands were on his neck and face, trying to pull House impossible close and afraid to let him go.

House: Her hands were afraid to let me go?
Wilson: *still blushing* Well, she's also trying to pull you "impossible" close, so I'm guess the author-person's verb conjugating abilities have slipped again.

But air was needed,

House: Always has been, always will be, author-person.

so House pulled apart from the kiss, although he was still holding her. Their eyes locked, and in a low, but secure voice House said, "I don't care about what people think, I don't care if I'm old and cripple anymore... But I do care if you are tired of PPTH, and me, he tought... I do care about you..."

Both: *squint*
Wilson: Did that make any sense at all?
House: No. I can't tell where I'm supposed to be speaking, thinking or teaching, depending on the misspelling.

Cameron tryed to speak, but House stopped her. "No, listen to me, please..." She nodded and he continued "All I want is you... All I need is you... All I want and need is you to never leave me."

Wilson: Are you singing?
House: Do you know a song which goes like that?
Wilson: I don't personally, but there probably is one. And it's proabaly one of this author's favourite songs.

A single tear slidded down Cameron's cheek and House wipped it away.

Wilson: Slidded? Wipped? Is that supposed to be whipped? Because that's a little harsh House, even for you.

With a smile in her face

House: Not only is her smile inside her face, she's smiling whilst crying.

and a hand caressing his hair she said "House, I was never tired of PPTH, I was never tired of you!" He smiled, it seems like she can read my thoughts...

Both: Tense Change!

Greg hugged her "That's all I wanted to hear." When he pulled apart she smiled and sighed, "You didn't answered me, why are you here? It didn't looked like you just wanted to kiss me!" She laughed.

Wilson: "Answered me"? "didn't looked"? Is this author-person's first language English?
House: It doesn't look like it, that's for sure.
Wilson: I hope it is. I feel guilty now.
House. Big surprise. I don't.
Wilson: Big surprise.

He remembered the watch. "Well, actually, a janitor found this under your desk." He pulled it from his pocket. "I believe it's yours."

Wilson: *weakly* I think that was a correct sentence. Something's gone wrong...

"My watch! I thought I'd lost it!""It isn't working though..." When Cameron looked at the watch she lifted an eyebrow "Are you sure you don't need glasses? It's working now!"

Wilson: Forget what I just said. We're back to normal. No such thing as paragraphs.

House looked at the watch, it marked 5.20 now... 20 minutes... the time that passed since the kiss had started.

Wilson: You kissed for twenty minutes? Twenty minutes and you only kissed? Is there something wrong with you?

"At the hospital it marked 5." he said.

House: Again with the marked!

Cameron smiled "That was the hour I left PPTH... and you... I guess the time stopped until we managed to get together again..."

Both: Oh God!
Wilson: Wait... House, you don't believe in God.
House: I do now. I had to do something or the bad!fic would have killed me. So I had faith.
Wilson: Faith in what?
House: The bad!fic only has two more lines to go. I was praying it'd be over soon.

They both smiled and Cameron pulled House's face to hers, the two of them sharing the most passionate and amazing kiss of their lives, until that moment...

Wilson: I'm confused. They were sharing the most passionate and amazing kiss of their lives, until that moment, when they weren't?
House: Because the building blew up out of sheer desperation.

The end

Both: Thank God!
House: Who I have now lost my faith in, just so everybody's clear on that point.
Wilson: Why?
House: I just needed someone to help me through that troubled time.
Wilson: I would have...
House: Yes, but I trust God not to try and jump me. You on the other hand...
Wilson: I said kiss, not jump!
House: *eyebrow raise*
Wilson: Shit.

A/N: So, what do you think? Please, let me know…

House: You don't want to know.
Wilson: Really.
MSTer: And you really, really, really don't want to know what I think.

I have a headache now. I wonder if that's from not enough sleep, or too much bad!fic? A combination of both, maybe?